[Opening music plays, a catchy jingle with a vintage 80s synth-pop vibe]
Announcer (enthusiastically): “Are you tired of the same old digital devices? Do you crave something more… analog? Well, have we got a deal for you! Introducing the revolutionary new concept from the BBC Computer: Every device you buy, from phones to computers, comes with not one, not two, but up to FORTY FREE ANALOG COMPUTERS! That’s right, you heard me correctly! FORTY FREE ANALOG COMPUTERS!”
[Cut to a cheesy infomercial set, with a host in a tacky 80s suit and a fake BBC Computer logo in the background]
Host (smiling broadly): “Hello, I’m your host, Bob Bobson, and today we’re going to show you the incredible power of analog computing! Forget about those fancy quantum computers with their pretentious brass and pipes. The original quantum computer is the analog computer, and we’ve got the ultimate deal for you!”
[Cut to a demonstration of various devices, each with a small analog computer attached]
Host (pointing to a phone): “This phone comes with two free analog computers! Imagine the possibilities! You can calculate the trajectory of a paper airplane or simulate the growth of a virtual pet!”
[Cut to a computer with multiple analog computers attached]
Host (pointing to the computer): “This computer comes with a whopping FORTY free analog computers! You can solve complex equations, model weather patterns, or even simulate the growth of a virtual civilization!”
[Cut to a cheesy montage of people using analog computers]
Announcer (voiceover): “But that’s not all! These analog computers come with a special feature: Russian cybernetic transhuman interfaces! That’s right, you’ll be able to interface with your analog computers in ways you never thought possible!”
[Cut back to the host, holding up a small analog computer]
Host (excitedly): “And if you act now, we’ll throw in a FREE Russian cybernetic transhuman interface with every purchase! That’s a $99.99 value, absolutely FREE!”
[Cut to a cheesy call-to-action screen]
Announcer (voiceover): “But wait, there’s more! Supplies are limited, and this offer won’t last long! Call now and get your FREE analog computers with every device purchase! Don’t miss out on this incredible deal!”
[Cut back to the host, holding up a phone]
Host (pleadingly): “Call now, 1–800-ANALOG-COMPUTER! Operators are standing by to take your call! Don’t delay, act now!”
[Closing music plays, with the host waving goodbye]
Announcer (voiceover): “This has been a paid advertisement from the BBC Computer. The future is analog! Call now!”
[Fade to black]
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