A holiday Message: At holiday seasons, special events and gatherings around the world people come together with warm embraces, and bite down on their tongues so hard they start sweating. People are sitting at tables steaming like pressure-cookers about to blow, and fending off the urge to tell the truth. Don't kid yourself. It's no family dinner — it's passive aggressive ninja warfare; a parade of complimentary slights, rewritten histories, oozing family secrets and braggadocio of the type that makes you nauseous. Or, maybe it's a seat of judgment where you feel like you need a New York attorney sitting next to you holding the carving-knife to defend you. It is always that someone special. Everyone knows one. The meddling in-law, a home wrecking gold-digger, a pervert uncle, a "can do no wrong" sibling, a religious fanatic, a political extremist, a high-and-mighty know-it-all, and others in desperate need of an edu-m-cation. You may have played it out in your head; saying what everyone else is afraid to say. You know you could so easily set them on top of their pointed little heads and spin them like a top. Maybe you would love it if they would just spin, spin, spin themselves right out of the picture forever. Or, maybe you sit there at the table where the real tradition is pretending like everything is "perfect," when really it's just surface talk and avoidance — an abyss of unending dysfunction. While the charade goes on perhaps you're thinking about standing-up and slinging the turkey through a window and out in the street. For the lucky ones who have solid and healthy families this may not apply, but we all know the holidays can be an explosive and painful time for many people.
The holidays are not the time to reverse decades of family dysfunction, convert someone to your religion, sway people over to your political leanings, set the record straight, right the wrongs from your childhood or fuss about anything. First because it's rude, and secondly because you can't fix problems that accumulated over years and decades over dinner. But it can be a time of reflection. Perhaps there are some real problems that can be addressed in therapy, with a coach or through education. Perhaps you can begin to unwind the knot in your heart by getting through one gathering without causing a problem, or taking the bait from someone else fishing for trouble. One step at a time is the way we walk the journey back to health. Just one good day is monumental. Just one family gathering free of drama, gossip or judgment is the beginning. We have the power to stop replaying the same old patterns that have caused so much pain in our lives. So use your time with friends and loved ones to begin again; to rebuild and fortify your bonds. The sweet time we have amongst friends is scant and demands our cherished moments be spent in peace and equanimity. Reach across the ill divisions and quarrels with a kind and patient heart. Come together to enjoy the best in each other, not to trifle over the worst. Remember, your community is your witness. We are all each other's witnesses. We are here to stand beside one another. We are here to share our burdens and joys. We are here but for a season, and then we are gone, so make your moments beautiful, because we never know what tomorrow holds. Let us all show thanks, giving, and gratitude.!md
### Key Takeaways on Family and Holidays
Bryant McGill highlights the challenges of family relationships, particularly during the holidays, and offers advice on navigating these complexities. Here are the key takeaways from his message:
* Holiday gatherings can amplify family dysfunction: McGill acknowledges that while many enjoy heartwarming holidays with loved ones, for others, these occasions expose and exacerbate existing family issues. He uses vivid imagery to describe the tension, passive aggression, and underlying conflicts that simmer beneath the surface of seemingly festive gatherings.
* Avoid using holidays to address long-standing issues: McGill cautions against trying to resolve deep-rooted family problems or push personal agendas during holiday gatherings. He argues that attempting to do so is ineffective and inappropriate for the setting.
* Focus on personal growth and managing your own reactions: Instead of trying to change others, McGill suggests concentrating on managing your own reactions and behaviors. He encourages readers to aim for one positive interaction or one drama-free gathering as a starting point for breaking negative patterns.
* Embrace the spirit of peace, kindness, and understanding: McGill emphasizes the importance of approaching challenging family interactions with patience and compassion. He urges readers to focus on shared joy and connection, letting go of past grievances and focusing on building positive experiences.
* Remember the fleeting nature of time and the importance of connection: McGill reminds us that life is short and our time with loved ones is precious. He encourages cherishing these moments and making them meaningful by fostering peace and togetherness.
In essence, McGill advocates for a shift in perspective during holiday gatherings with family. Instead of seeing them as opportunities to fix long-standing issues, he encourages readers to focus on personal growth, managing their own reactions, and embracing a spirit of peace and understanding.
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